Sunday, December 18, 2011

10 Most Bizarre Calendars for 2012

[Update: Click here for the weirdest calendars of 2014]
[Update: Click here for the weirdest calendars of 2013]

It used to be easy to pick a calendar. Women had tea towels with a giant rooster and the current year printed on them in the kitchen. Men had pin-up girl calendars in their garage.

Today there’s a calendar for not only every sport and hobby, but every fetish and idiosyncracy as well. Publishers have nixed the simple kittens and landscapes --that is, unless the kittens are Persians wearing kilts and the landscapes are made of chocolate Legos.

And the pin-up girls? Well, to quote a song from the musical Gypsy, these days, you gotta have a gimmick.

Here are some of the weirdest, most head-scratchingest and --most of all-- oddly specific calendars on offer for 2012.

1. Zlata the Russian Contortionist 

If you're having trouble deciding between an origami calendar or a sexy model calendar, Zlata is the answer to your problems. (Ordering info, though it might be tricky if you're outside Europe.) 

2. Goats in Trees

All those plain old goats on the ground calendars should hang their heads in shame. Buy a few extra calendars for unexpected guests that are fans of tree-dwelling goats. (Amazon) 

3. Fresh Eggs

It might be hard to contain your excitement as you turn over each new month and wonder: "Will it be one egg or three? Chicken egg or ...Gasp! egg?" (Etsy

4. Naked Archaeologists

A refreshing change from the overly-posed, flatteringly-lit calendars of well-oiled firemen and pneumatic Hooters waitresses, this 2012 for-charity calendar's naked archaeologists are actually getting some work done. I wonder if the cute one is carbon dating anyone? (Ebay

5. Moog Pioneers in the Studio

If you know any music or electronics geek --or even better, an electronic music geek-- then buy them this calendar and give them plenty of alone time with it. For those who don't know, the Moog is an analog synthesizer whose devotees are almost as cultish as Mac people. (Bob Moog Foundation)

6.  High Times Ultimate Grow Calendar

Ready to take your obsession with playing Hemp Tycoon to the next level? High Times' 2012 calendar has twelve months of tips on cannabis cultivation. It's the best thing you could possibly buy your stoner nephew, besides a case of Cool Ranch Doritos.  (

7.  Hungover Owls

Man, these owls are gonna regret it in the morning. Be sure and pre-order the 2013 calendar Owls With Cirrhosis. (Amazon)

8.  Mutter Museum

If you only buy one calendar with photos of human anatomical specimens this year, this really should be the one. Founded in the 19th-century by a Philadelphia surgeon with an odd taste in collectibles, the Mutter Museum features displays that might make your flesh crawl. An apt gift for fans of American Horror Story. (Amazon)

9. Ferret Frenzy: Cirque du Ferret

Let's get this straight: this is not just a ferret calendar. No, this is a ferret frenzy. And not just any ferret frenzy, but a circus-themed ferret frenzy. Costumed ferrets juggling! A ferret ringmaster! Ferret clowns and high-wire artistes. Frenzy may be an understatement here, folks. (Amazon)

10. Total White Calendar

I don't know about you, but I'm starting to tire of hue. Expected monthly features: polar bears in a snowstorm, rice with sea salt, and Edgar Winter posing with The White Album. (

Ordered your 2012 calendar yet? What's the weirdest calendar you've ever seen? Let me know in the comments.


  1. Oddly specific is oddly, specifically, correct. Goats in trees and fresh eggs are my favorites. I would've loved the Mutter Museum 20 years ago, but now it would give me nightmares. I just wish I could get mom to quit giving me Erte calendars. Talk about done to death....

  2. Jessamy: The eggs cracked me up the most, too. (No pun intended.) I almost left off the Muter Museum, being so familiar with it, but I decided that for a large number of people, it's still one weird calendar.

  3. I want the Goats in Trees calendar. Seriously. I may order it--but you knew I would.

    The egg calendar I find oddly pleasant.

    I always buy a calendar, and it always sits in a drawer until the following year, when I throw it out. I use a day planner with no pictures for keeping track of things. But, you know, Goats in Trees....

  4. K.C.: I would have taken you for a goats-on-the-ground girl.

  5. >>...Edgar Winter posing with The White Album.

    Ha! Honestly, that's a calendar I would want. Yeah, I really am THAT weird.

    Edgar posing in 12 different white places with "The White Album"... Siberia, a doctor's office, a Beverly Hills swimming pool, Barry White's gravesite, etc.

    Oh, wait. Scratch that last one. White's remains were cremated.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

  6. HOW have I lived without Goats In Trees?!

  7. I totally have an electronics & musican geek friend who'd love that Moog calendar.

    But Russian contornists? Eggs? Hungover owls? Have to say, though, that Goats in Trees stands heads and chin-whiskers above the crowd. *That's* going up on Pinterest.

  8. Interesting calendar choices, but unless any of these show up in the dollar store I'm not shelling out for 'em-- not even the egg one. We fill our rooms with dollar or free calendars and then toss them into the recycle bin at the end of the year.

    Journaling Woman at my memoir blog
    starting Saturday 12/17/2011 with a special giveaway!
    Wrote By Rote

  9. This is such an interesting post! I think the one with the owl and the goats in trees must be the most bizarre. I rather like the calmness of the eggs ...

  10. They are bizare alright, except for the owl. Nice post.

  11. Wow...that was quite the variety of calendars. I always stick with Maxine. She keeps me laughing year round!

  12. I can verify, with all the authority that watching America's Next Top Model has given me, that Zlata gives good face while eating grapes and planting her heels above her shoulders. That woman has talent. (Awesome post!)

  13. I happened to find "Hungover Owls" (the last copy) in a bookstore in Zurich last year and bought it for my bro-in-law. I was really (I mean *really*) pleased with my find, and I think he liked it....

  14. This is such an interesting post! I think the one with the owl and the goats in trees must be the most bizarre. I rather like the calmness of the eggs

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  19. A lot of spammy comments above. But this list of bizarre calendars is really funny. A lot more funny calendars can be seen at Calendar Club The naked archeologists are way to funny!


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