Tuesday, December 16, 2014

10 Most Bizarre Calendars for 2015


It’s become a yearly tradition for Book Dirt to feature the strangest calendars published for the upcoming year, and it seems as if the entries are a little more bizarre each December. While it may be that the world just gets weirder as time goes by, some of the credit lies in the curation. Having just about seen it all at this point, your dedicated blogmistress has to dig that much deeper each time. Nude archaeologists? Seen it! Sexy Putin? (Yawn.) Women covered in milk? That was soooo last year.

Click the links for ordering information if you’re somehow compelled to give one of these calendars to someone you have confusing feelings about.

1.  Puppies With Guns 




Some of the biggest sellers in calendars feature weaponry (usually toted by someone about to bust out of her bikini top). Well, someone smart noticed that puppies are also a favorite, and stuck the two together, much in the same way the commercials tell us that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were born.“So what, you hate puppies,” says the Kickstarter page: “You still like guns!” Pre-ordering has ended, but the mastermind is printing some extras to sell (Puppies With Guns)


2.  Shades of Play: Steamy Word-Search Puzzles 


It's probably hard to imagine anything sexier than a desk calendar, but you know what’s even hotter? Word searches. The breathless searching, the erotic curves of the pen marks … even the dirtiest Sudoku seems vanilla in comparison. (Amazon)


3.  New York City Taxi Drivers



There may be some unexpected contenders for the nickname “New York’s finest” once this 2015 calendar hits the streets. In fact, leave the men in uniform for women without imagination. If you dig chest hair and a bit of a roll (not the bakery kind), you’ll be in heaven. (Shopify)


4.  Emotionally Unavailable Guys



Hang this calendar on your wall, and it’s almost like having an actual emotionally unavailable guy in your life—though it might be slightly more communicative. Each month features a different guy, complete with a bio, and an explanation/defense of why he lives his life the way he does. (Amazon)


5.  Sock Monkey Kama Sutra



The Congress of the Cow has never been so adorable! Try a new position each month—just be sure you have safe socks. (Amazon)


6.  Bavarian Farmers Association’s Hot Potatoes





Potatoes aren’t one of vegetables more frequently associated with prurient thoughts, which is strange, considering that they’re the dirtiest. The potato farmers of Bavaria have released a wall calendar featuring twelve women (many of them literal farmer’s daughters) in various stages of undress while in proximity to tubers in their various forms (one young lady is buried in potato chips). You’ll need to know some German if you’re serious about ordering. (Bavarian Farmers Association.)



7.  Dull Men of Great Britain 




Even if you’ve got a weak heart, you should be able to handle this assortment of boring Brits—that is, unless you’ve got a soft spot for milk bottle-collecting or roundabout appreciation. (Amazon)



8.  Cats in Sweaters



You’ve got to appreciate this calendar, if only for the fact that you know the photography team is covered in claw wounds and missing various eyes. Totally worth it. If they could survive the be-sweatering, you can survive the cuteness. (Amazon)


9.   A Year of Mathematics



Just in case you thought it couldn’t get any more dull than those old men from Great Britain. Couldn’t they at least have juxtaposed the formulas with some attractive models or adorable baby animals? It’s like they don’t even want to sell calendars. (Amazon)

10.  Nude Artists as Pandas



Art F City figures that if you want to get people to donate to your art blog, the best course of action is to (un)dress up a bunch of artists like pandas and photograph them. So that’s what they did. (Art F City)



Bonus: Calendars from previous years’ lists that updated for 2015:

Goats in Trees


Nice Jewish Guys

Accordion Babes




Previous Bizarre Calendar Round-Ups:












11 comments:

  1. I just wish i could get one of these for work, but I fear not enough of us would get the jokes! Wonderfulyl bizarre - thanks Kelly, made my week!

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    1. You're welcome! I have a lot of fun putting this together every year.

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  2. I didn't think it possible but Puppies with Guns has topped last year's Vampire Kittens in both crassness and absurdity.

    "Brusque" is a steamy word? Let me try... She enjoyed the gruff tone of his voice but wished for less brusque commands as the leather strop played against... Nah, it just isn't a steamy adjective.

    Heisse Kartoffel sounds a lot dirtier than hot potato. Is it all those consonants?

    Thanks for the scrolling laughs!

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  3. Uh, I think I'll stick to my scenic photo and Thomas Kinkade calendars. If they ever do a dull men of the U.S. calendar they might want to consider me. How about a photo of Arlee at the computer blogging?

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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    Replies
    1. Ha, I think a calendar of bloggers is a great idea!

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  4. Kelly, I have never ever seen calendars like these. I'm very bad at math and I'd keep my distance from the Math calendar. Thanks for sharing them with us.

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    1. I have some friends who love the math calendar, but I'll never be able to wrap my head around it.

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  5. At last my happiness and joy has been restored as my husband who left me for another girl has finally come back good and still lovely to me , i want to use this time to give thanks to Dr Blessing who has use his love spell and prayers to bring back my ex lover and also share little about my rough story between me and my husband and the other girls , i got married to the man i loved Sanchez June 23 2013 and we have been together ever since and we have leaved happily we both have a daughter , but this year 2017 when has traveled to new York on a business things changed even when he was away he never called to say hi to me and my daughter and this was unlikely of him because he loves our daughter to sky , so i began to suspect something wasn't right, but i waited for he to return to me in Canada so i know what the problems was, only for Sanchez to come back asking for divorce at first i thought he was joking , but with time i saw he was so serious on this , i tried to plead with he but nothing changed , i called my mom telling her about the situation and she said to pray about it , i was depressed and devastated on this issues and was praying and looking for help to stop the divorce and save my marriage, i seek help with many persons non could help , i continue with the search of help because i knew and have the feelings my man was not on his right senses because i know the man i married can never ask me for a divorce, so i kept on looking for solutions i spent almost all my savings seeking solution , until the Juliana a working told me about Dr blessing of blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com, i never wanted to email him because many has taken money from me without giving any good result, but when he gave her words about Dr Blessing i decided to give it a trial , contacted him and told him about myself , he told me that he will have me to make my husband stop the divorce and reunite us again , that he gave me three days after which everything will be back to it normal place for good , i did some few things he said i should do as instructed , and let he do his work i was at work on the 15th of July about 10 AM when i received letter from my husband that my husband has cancelled the divorce case and same day at about 12 noon my husband wrote me a sweet text , and this was how me and my husband came back and today we are better as one family , so i want to use this means to tell to you all here contact Dr Blessing to for any kind of relationship or married problems and i let he solve it for you just as he has done for me , his contacts
    Email; blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com
    blessingspiritualtemple@yahoo.com
    Whats,App. +1(951) 409 0694

    ReplyDelete