Quotable: McMurtry fails, Harry Dean Stanton rules, and more

Hans Sloane: "Get yer dadgum crumpet off my First Folio."

Sometimes I come across lines in articles --or even in the comments section-- that strike me as particularly clever, funny or apt. Book Dirt’s new Quotable roundup will regularly collect my favorite one-liners as I trawl around the Internet reading about books and writing.

These are some recent I-wish-I-wrote-that bits from around the web. The articles the quotes are pulled from are all well worth a read.


---
---

• “It’s slightly embarrassing to have to admit that the best book you read all year was Anna Karenina. It’s a bit like saying that you’ve been listening to an album called Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club by these Beatles kids out of Liverpool and that, yes, you can confidently reveal that they were definitely onto something.” - Mark O’Connell at The Millions

O’Connell’s best-of-the-year wrap-up includes modern fiction too, so don’t worry: he’s not stuck in the classics --just plenty well-balanced.

---

• “Waiter! I think we’re done here.” - David Daley at Salon.com

Harper’s magazine’s newest book reviewer is none other than Larry McMurtry, but Daley is sure that the writer is no Zadie Smith (Harper’s former critic.) Daley gives a blow-by-blow of McMurtry’s first column that wittily takes apart “the worst new book critic in America.” 

---

• “The way I see it, if your hero can't be played by Harry Dean Stanton, you're on the wrong track.” - User comment at The Guardian

The UK’s Guardian ran a useful feature in which well-known crime writers recommended their own favorite crime writers. Some of the best recommendations --as well as commentary like the quote above from user name Henrylloydmoon-- are found in the comments section. 

---

• “The story ends on page 339 but doesn't stop until page 343.” - K.C. Shaw at Skunk Cat Book Reviews

Prolific writer (and reader) K.C. Shaw reviews books across a dizzying array of genres (YA, mystery, fantasy --ratkeeping?), and with a refreshing degree of straight-to-the-point honesty. From another review: “Brock scratches his beard so much in this one that I wondered if he had a skin condition, or fleas.”

---

• “Did Sloane realize the peril his collection might be in, if left open to the slings and arrows of outrageous baked goods?” - Beth Dunn at Wonders & Marvels

This absolutely delightful piece on how a buttered muffin may have (seriously) inspired the founding of the British Museum is a perfect blending of humor and history. Beth Dunn has both an enviable writing style and a firm grasp on reality. 

---


Note: As this is the first installment of Quotable, a few of the articles have been languishing on my desktop for a time. While they’re all still wonderfully relevant, the next batch should be much more fresh.



Give these quotable folks a visit, and let me know what you think. Comments welcome.

Amazing Stop-Motion Bookstore Video: How Many Titles Can You Spot?

Short film fans know that it’s usually toys that come to life after the shop closes up. At Type bookstore in Toronto, the books on the shelves have lives of their own after dark.

This short video ‘Joy of Books’ was made by art director Sean Ohlenkamp, who teamed with the bookstore to painstakingly create the stop motion effects over four nights.

‘Joy of Books’ has already gone viral (racking up 27,000 views in just one day), and part of the success seems to be its resonance with book lovers.

 The Joy of Books - Stop-Motion Bookshop Video



Part of the fun is in spotting book titles. Those who work around books will see titles, cover art, and even recognizable publishing imprints fly by.

These are some of the titles I’ve spotted. If you’re a fan of Where’s Waldo, you can try to check these off.

• 1493: Uncovering the New World Columbus Created
• David Lynch’s Works on Paper
• Hoopla: The Art of Unexpected Embroidery
• Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
• Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
• I Am Number Four by Pittacus Lore
• The Damned UTD by David Peace
• The Anthology of Rap
• The Veganomicon
• Kraken by China Mieville
• Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
• Moby Dick
• Kenneth Silverman’s bio of John Cage

Does this mean we need to add a 26th reason to Why Real Books Are Here to Stay?



Did you spot any additional titles? Add them in the comments section.


Book Dirt is now on Facebook! Look for the 'Like' button in the right-hand sidebar. 





CD

25 Reasons Real Books Are Here to Stay

The e-book publishers would have us believe that paper books are being rounded up to cries of “Bring out yer dead” and dumped by the cartload into burning plague pits.

Don’t sound the death knell just yet.
 

Old books in a Czech castle. (Maurizio Abbate/Creative Commons License)

While printed book sales figures are down (like everything else), the industry still generates billions of dollars per year while e-books are still in the high millions, not to mention the fact that folks are still willing to plonk down $75 for a coffee table art book.

Just check the comments section of any article predicting doom for paper books and you’ll find a near-rabid gang of defenders who say you’ll have to pry their ARDs (Ancient Reading Devices) out of their cold, dead hands.

Why do some of us prefer books made of trees? The easy answer is that you either get it or you don’t, but for those who don’t, here are 25 reasons some of us --even those of us who own Kindles on the side-- will always love our pulp.

1. Reading in the bathtub.

Or by the pool. Or in a light drizzle. E-readers don’t take kindly to getting wet, and the warranty often doesn’t cover damage. A cheap paperback, though, is made all the more sentimental once the two of you have had a bubble bath or two together. (And you won’t have to frantically stick it in a bag of rice afterward.) 

Don't try this with a Kindle. (goldsardine/Creative Commons License)

2. Re-selling.

Once you buy a print copy of a book, it’s yours. You can sell or trade it at the used bookstore for more books, auction it off on eBay, make some extra nickels at your next garage sale or swap it for magic beans.

3. Gift-giving.

Books still make lovely gifts (which is why they sell like the dickens at Christmas time), and downloads are hell to try to wrap.

4. Sharing.

Passing on books is one way that readers maintain bonds with their friends and family. Sure, you can still read the same books on your e-readers --and simultaneously-- but the sharing and passing around of the book itself is almost sacred. (Yet another “You get it or you don’t” example.)

5. Collections.

Some people merely read books, others read and collect. The curating of a book collection is as satisfying to some as collecting art, antiques or glass menageries is to others.

6. Book signings.

There’s no way around this one. If you’re an avid fan of a particular writer, the sine quo non of your collection  is a copy signed by the author herself. No author wants to inscribe “Never forget the bloaters” across your Nook with a metallic Sharpie. Book signings require books.

7. Reading on airplanes.

You can open a paperback anytime you want, without the flight attendant’s say-so. What’s more, you can ditch a cheap book at the hotel when you’re done with it, freeing it for someone else to read, and lightening your luggage at the same time.

8. Shopping.

Sure, the web makes it easy to browse books, even to peek inside a little. Shopping for print books allows you to read as much as you like, though, and see a book’s size and scope, as well as who else is reading what. Shopping for books doesn’t just mean hitting Barnes & Noble, but also digging through the bargain bins at the warehouses, searching for gems at the antique book shops, or finding boxes of forgotten ephemera at estate sales. 

Browsing for books is part of being a reader. (_SiD_/Creative Commons License)

9. Showing off.

It’s something few people want to admit, but sometimes some of us want people to admire our books, and admire us for the books we choose. Displaying a book collection is part of it, but also showing the world what we’re reading when we read in public, revealing our intellect, our beliefs, our romantic nature, etc. as the case may be. Taking an unusual title with you to the coffee shop is also a sure way to spark a conversation if you need company.  

10. Hiding things.

If books go completely digital, where will anyone stow away a secret stash? In a de-gutted Kindle? That hollowed-out copy of Alice in Wonderland will be pretty easy for thieves or cops to spot if it’s the only print book in the house.

11. Pop ups and fuzzy parts.

Yes, the technology for interactive e-book displays is amazing, but they still can’t duplicate the surprise of having a pop-up literally leap out of the book. And what about Pat the Bunny? (Yes, there’s an app.) Will the next generation of children think rabbit fur feels like glass?

Classic lit that literally pops off the page. Try this, Nook! (abrinsky/Creative Commons License)

12. Appreciation.

The financial kind. Downloads have pretty much no value once you buy them, except in personal reward. Many books, though, can increase in value over time. First editions, limited editions and specialized titles just may see you through your retirement if you choose wisely.

13. Choice.

With out-of-print books becoming available and digital self-publishing made easy, it would seem as if more books are available than ever. That’s only partly true. Plenty of obscure books will never be digitized. Titles are lost any time there’s an upgrade in technology. Just as some silent film reels were never converted to VHS and many VHS titles were never converted to DVD, publishers make choices about what’s worth converting. Some things don’t make the cut.

14. Art.

Don’t hate books because they’re beautiful. And boy, are they. There are few other consumable items that people want to decorate their homes with. Book-lined walls are gorgeous, as swoon-worthy as The Marriage Plot claims to be.

And, not just as collections, books can also be real stunners as individual specimens. Leather bindings and gilt edges can’t be reproduced digitally. They just can’t. Popular paperbacks count, too. Those ultra-cool pulp covers from the fifties didn’t seem like anything special when they were new. Even today’s mass market paperbacks may be tomorrow’s collectible objets d’art.

Old book as objet d'art. (jsbanks42/Creative Commons License)

15. Sentiment.

The book itself can evoke memories in a way a download can’t. No one stores old PDFs in a hope chest, inscribes them to a child, or returns one in anger to an erstwhile lover. If print books disappear, a lot of flowers will go unpressed.

16. Posterity

Bequeathing a well-curated collection of books to a library or university is a way of passing on one’s love for a subject from beyond the grave. You don’t have to be a rich collector, either. Passing down books to a family member who will love them can be appreciated just as much even if the books are romance novels or comics.

17. Permanence.

Technology can fail. So can companies. Because the technology is so new, your e-reader probably won’t even be compatible with digital books in the future. (Can you play 8 tracks on your CD player? Or Atari games on your X-Box? So long, e-books you already bought.) Your print books, though, will always be readable, come mergers or apocalypse.

18. Security.

No one will mug you for a copy of The Hours. And if someone does steal your backpack with your book in it, you won’t lose your entire collection.

19. Burning.

Not that any of us would participate in such a thing, but in a society that allows free speech, the burning of books is a powerful political statement that has no substitute. (The small upside to organized book burnings is that people often purchase the books solely to destroy in public, thereby supporting the very thing they decry.)

20. Motivation.

Having a stack of unread books by the nightstand is a hard-to-ignore reminder that you need to catch up on your reading. With e-readers, there’s no physical difference no matter how many books you buy.

21. Reference.

When doing academic research, the ability to have more than one book open and glance back and forth between them is crucial. (Even Thomas Jefferson invented a bookstand to do just that.) While tabbing back and forth is useful, it’s no substitute for seeing multiple pages at once.

22. Power.

Books don’t need it. Just the energy in your index finger, which is infinitely renewable.

23. Smell.

You knew it was coming. If there’s one thing that separates the old-school book people from the technophiles it’s this. There’s no faking it, and there’s no explaining what old book smell does and means. 

Don't you wish you could scratch and sniff to smell the magic? (Moyann_Brenn/Creative Commons License)

24. Magic.

Opening a book is a powerful action. If you don’t believe it, you’ve never been young and/or you’re not reading the right things. It’s a signifier. It embodies possibility in a way that pushing a button can’t. It’s like the difference between coolly clicking a remote to unlock your car and slowly turning an old skeleton key in a big wooden door. What happens next?

25. Having your books and reading them too.

Owning an e-reader doesn’t mean giving up on books, and plenty of readers --especially the lifelong book addicts-- have both. There’s even evidence that e-readers may ultimately be a boost to the print book industry, as readers try new authors, then want to own hard copies (for the various reasons outlined above.)

Why do you love print books? Maybe there could be 26 reasons. Weigh in, and Book Dirt will update to add any new answers.

10 Most Bizarre Calendars for 2012

[Update: Click here for the weirdest calendars of 2014]
[Update: Click here for the weirdest calendars of 2013]

It used to be easy to pick a calendar. Women had tea towels with a giant rooster and the current year printed on them in the kitchen. Men had pin-up girl calendars in their garage.

Today there’s a calendar for not only every sport and hobby, but every fetish and idiosyncracy as well. Publishers have nixed the simple kittens and landscapes --that is, unless the kittens are Persians wearing kilts and the landscapes are made of chocolate Legos.

And the pin-up girls? Well, to quote a song from the musical Gypsy, these days, you gotta have a gimmick.

Here are some of the weirdest, most head-scratchingest and --most of all-- oddly specific calendars on offer for 2012.


1. Zlata the Russian Contortionist 

If you're having trouble deciding between an origami calendar or a sexy model calendar, Zlata is the answer to your problems. (Ordering info, though it might be tricky if you're outside Europe.) 

2. Goats in Trees

  
All those plain old goats on the ground calendars should hang their heads in shame. Buy a few extra calendars for unexpected guests that are fans of tree-dwelling goats. (Amazon) 

3. Fresh Eggs

It might be hard to contain your excitement as you turn over each new month and wonder: "Will it be one egg or three? Chicken egg or ...Gasp!...duck egg?" (Etsy) 


4. Naked Archaeologists

A refreshing change from the overly-posed, flatteringly-lit calendars of well-oiled firemen and pneumatic Hooters waitresses, this 2012 for-charity calendar's naked archaeologists are actually getting some work done. I wonder if the cute one is carbon dating anyone? (Ebay) 


5. Moog Pioneers in the Studio

If you know any music or electronics geek --or even better, an electronic music geek-- then buy them this calendar and give them plenty of alone time with it. For those who don't know, the Moog is an analog synthesizer whose devotees are almost as cultish as Mac people. (Bob Moog Foundation)

6.  High Times Ultimate Grow Calendar

 

Ready to take your obsession with playing Hemp Tycoon to the next level? High Times' 2012 calendar has twelve months of tips on cannabis cultivation. It's the best thing you could possibly buy your stoner nephew, besides a case of Cool Ranch Doritos.  (Calendars.com)

7.  Hungover Owls

 

Man, these owls are gonna regret it in the morning. Be sure and pre-order the 2013 calendar Owls With Cirrhosis. (Amazon)

8.  Mutter Museum

If you only buy one calendar with photos of human anatomical specimens this year, this really should be the one. Founded in the 19th-century by a Philadelphia surgeon with an odd taste in collectibles, the Mutter Museum features displays that might make your flesh crawl. An apt gift for fans of American Horror Story. (Amazon)

9. Ferret Frenzy: Cirque du Ferret

Let's get this straight: this is not just a ferret calendar. No, this is a ferret frenzy. And not just any ferret frenzy, but a circus-themed ferret frenzy. Costumed ferrets juggling! A ferret ringmaster! Ferret clowns and high-wire artistes. Frenzy may be an understatement here, folks. (Amazon)

10. Total White Calendar

I don't know about you, but I'm starting to tire of hue. Expected monthly features: polar bears in a snowstorm, rice with sea salt, and Edgar Winter posing with The White Album. (Calendars.com)

Ordered your 2012 calendar yet? What's the weirdest calendar you've ever seen? Let me know in the comments.

Literary Dolls: Play House with Your Favorite Authors

There’s an obscure 1990 song I used to like that ends with this spoken line: “Wow, they have Nick Cave dolls now? I waaaant one.”

Well, there may not be a pint-sized version of musician Nick Cave yet, but you can now buy replicas of a bevy of famous authors, thanks to Debbie Ritter of Uneek Doll Designs. Now that I’ve seen her handiwork, all I can say is: “They have Joyce Carol Oates dolls now? I waaant one!”

Make your Joyce Carol Oates doll spend hours writing in longhand. (All photos via Uneek Doll Designs.)

The Joyce Carol Oates doll has sold, but Ritter has plenty of literary dolls to choose from. Considering how tiny these dolls are, the attention to details is wonderful, especially the clothing choices, from Maya Angelou’s golden earrings to Anne Sexton’s “fashionable striped pants with brown sash.”

Some of my favorite literary dolls:

A mutton-chopped Asimov doll in a cozy sweater...

I, Isaac Asimov

Maya Angelou doll with perfect silver streak and bonus fashion jewelry...

She knows why the housed doll sings.

 G.K. Chesterton...

I like to call him G.K. Chesterdrawers.

Lest you think that only classic literature is represented, take a gander at these ladies:

Teen icon Judy Blume...

Ready to discuss the symbolism in Superfudge.

A suitably classy Erma Bombeck...

The grass is always greener over the miniature septic tank.

Regency romance queen Barbara Cartland. The doll looks uncannily like her back-of-the-jacket photos, but with less airbrushing...

With a copy of The Rakish Rogue or The Roguish Rake or somesuch.

Not only can you buy dolls of the authors, but also their characters. Dolls from Les Miserables are ready to start a tiny revolution, or you can re-enact your favorite scenes from The Hunchback of Notre Dame with your very own Quasimodo. Particularly hard to resist is this aptly insane Mrs. Rochester.

Set it on fire, then order more!

Ritter takes custom orders, so I’m debating whether or not to commision a redo of the Joyce Carol Oates doll, or perhaps a frail Joan Didion or a dour Patricia Highsmith. Some Wodehouse characters would make me swoon, too. Maybe a newt-fancying Gussie Fink-Nottle?

See all of Uneek Doll Designs author dolls here, and characters here.

What author or character would you like to see in doll form? 

Nic Cage Inadvertently Teaches Biology to Serbs

Bizarre book covers are part of the book biz, as anyone who’s done time working in a used book store can tell you. That’s why I was amused, but certainly not surprised, to see this oddity that popped up on Twitter recently.

Nic Cage on the cover of a Serbian Biology textbook. To quote his character in Raising Arizona: "Well...it ain't Ozzie and Harriet." (Photo via Belgraded)

That’s no Photoshop gag --It’s the cover of a 1998 Biology textbook from Serbia, inexplicably emblazoned with Nicolas Cage, Holly Hunter and their stolen baby from Raising Arizona.
 

How a pair of movie kidnappers ended up on the cover of a Serbian Biology book is up for debate, but Viktor Markovic from Belgraded (a website about Belgrade, Serbia and the Balkans) says the book’s designer told him it was “an honest mistake.”


This isn’t the first time Nicolas Cage has unexpectedly turned up on a book cover, though, as anyone who putters around on the Net reading both goofy celeb news and bookish things can tell you.

Cage as a military pyromaniac in 1814. (Photo via Buzzfeed.)

The actor --or his doppelganger, anyway,  also appears on the cover of this history book for young folks, The Story of the Burning of Washington.

This is one happy Redcoat. The Burning of Washington looks like a blast.

Maybe Cage can surpass Isaac Asimov, who (sort of) published in every category of the Dewey Decimal System, by being the first person to have his face emblazoned on a book for every category. He can certainly cross the 500s and the 900s off the list. 

Seen any weird book covers lately? Better yet, seen Nic Cage anywhere strange lately?